WHEN WHITE JESUS DESCENDED.

By BRIAN NZOMO

The supreme council in heaven made up of the white god and twenty four elders met for a heated discussion. The main issue on the agenda was whether the time was ripe for the end of times to be announced.
Then white god said, “For more than six millennia, I’ve waited for the day when I shall pronounce my judgement…”
“Sorry for interrupting sire, but in line with the Carbon dating theory, the world is approximately four billion years old…” interjected a wizened elder.
White god became cranky as usual. His tempers knew no bounds, and once he got angry, he would unleash his terror on anyone. Anyone. None was spared from his rage. Even among his trusted elders…
“Angel Michael!” White god roared.
“Yes sire,” Angel Michael responded.
“Kick this insolent old man out of my presence…”
“Very well sire, as you command…” The elderly old man was dragged out of the council hall, and instantly kicked out of the gates of Heaven. White god smiled broadly. He knew how to deal with rebellious minds in his abode. “Anyone else with a problem with that?” Nobody uttered a word. Poor Miyamoto! They thought.
The discussion went on. There was division in the council. Ten elders were in agreement that indeed the time was here. Time to unleash judgement on men. Another ten elders however disagreed. They proposed that more time was needed to evaluate the fates of men.
“Sire…If you act irrationally, considering how bad things are right now, your longtime rival and arch-enemy will have emerged victorious over you. Look at humanity. How many are capable of making it here? None… Everyone of them is rebellious. Everyone of them has blemish. None of them is seamless… I have an idea…” said the sixteenth elder. The council listened keenly.
“Show them you’re serious. Show them you mean business. This time, don’t send signs and disasters. Send him that attempted to save them two thousand years ago. This time, garnish him with heavenly splendour. Grant him his full divinity and power. Let him threaten not by word, but by sword… When his terror ends in a three day period, the world would fall at his feet and worship you. They shall repent and that is the moment you’ll announce the judgement. The devil shall lose, and he himself shall burn in hell. Together with the dead men of evil that reigned on earth.”
The idea was dissected and analysed for half an hour. Then the verdict was made. White god would send his heavenly armies led by his son White Jesus. In their thousands they would unleash their violence on a sample number of places. The grim image would then send a stern warning to the rest of the world, that White god was king. But there was a problem. Where would they strike? What country, what nation deserved to be struck? A vote was taken.
No European nation was chosen. No American nation was selected. No Asian nation was chosen. Each of the races had representation in the council except one. The Negro. There was no black man in the council. So the nation had to be an African nation.
Another vote was taken. A nation was chosen. A predominantly Christian nation in the great lakes region. One that lied on the East African coast. Forty plus ethnicities. Forty plus counties. Forty million plus people. And forty billion sins… Kenya.
But since the White god was merciful enough, White Jesus was first sent to gather a comprehensive report on this nation. Did it deserve to be in the cauldron of his virgin wrath?

***** ***** ******
White Jesus was unusually excited about his new assignment. Two thousand years have been like prison to him in heaven. Doing nothing more but worshipping and singing monotonous praise songs for his dictatorial father. The food was bland. Honey and milk.
At last he could breathe the crisp air of earth. Break away from the bromidic life in heaven. When time came for his assignment, he promised to return after two weeks. After which he would accomplish his final mission of blood. Kenya, here comes the ancient saviour. Who comes as a spy, and shall probably return to wipe out you all from the face of the earth.

****** ******* ******
Night falls in the city that never winks an eye. Nairobi. The Cimmerian darkness dissolves in the skies. The rush is mad at the Central business district. Men and women in massive crowds swiftly walk along the paved streets, crossing the ecstatically mad roads and jamming in buildings, restaurants and bus termini. The noise is irritating, vehicle and street lights blinding the sights of pedestrians. Screeching brakes, hooting matatus and vulgar shrieks of vexed drivers and conductors. The evening in this concrete jungle is hellish.
White Jesus stood undecidedly beneath the eaves of a certain club. It was a bit dark here, and nobody would even realise there was a strange white man around. What next? What should he do? He had agreed to meet someone here. Some ancient friend of his. Who would guide him around this god-forsaken place…
Here he was. White Jesus. Dressed in a white T-shirt, denim pair of trousers and a mocassin pair of shoes. From the flight of stairs leading into the club, pairs of lusty men and women went in. Some went out and crossed the street into the opposite building that houses a dingy lodging.
White Jesus frowned at their giggly laughs and salacious touches. A number of them were evidently drunk. Thirty minutes were gone while he still waited. A prostitute stood beside him, lighting a stick of cigarette.
“Mmmh…A mzungu,” she began, “So you also love the relishment that comes from this place ahhh!” She brushed her hand across the crotch of his trousers. White Jesus winced.
“I’m sorry young lady. But I’m not in the mood for this,” White Jesus replied. But the whore pressed on. Snuggling her chest closer to him. “Come on sugar! I know you like this bitch in front of you. Come on. Have a taste at an affordable cost. You’ll never regret tasting my goodies,” she raised her leg and revealed a well toned thigh, finer than velvet. White Jesus felt his pulse intensify. He sweated profusely, panted heavily as he blabbered in an incoherent speech.
The whore was super cute and sexy too. She was a seductive demon as well, and he had never felt this way for ages. Just when he was about to give in to the sexual allure of the harlot, a voice boomed in the darkness,
“Get lost whore!” A rough hand then dragged the harlot away from White Jesus and flung her away into the darkness. She fell on the tarmac and bruised her knee. The whore stood up and strutted away in rage. Promising to get her vengeance against the brawny man who had interrupted her trade. White Jesus still pinned to the wall in shock, could realise he had arrived. The man he had waited for that evening was here. In a leather jacket and a slim khaki trouser. His eyes shielded by tinted sunglasses.
“Hello buddy. Long time eeeyyy!!” he laughed. The two men did a shoulder bump. Then white Jesus said,
“Long time Lucifer. Long time. And just in time to save me from sin…”
“Ironic right?”
“Yeah. I know.”
“Well come on. Let’s go in and have a nice evening getting to know how the both of us have been faring,” Lucifer said dragging White Jesus inside the club. Tamima club…

******* ****** ******

“Whoooaa!!Whooaah! Lucifer don’t tell me you want us to talk inside a strip club,” White Jesus said perturbed.
“Well yes big boy! What more can be invigorating than having a conversation with a couple of drinks and buxom babes hanging on poles,” Lucifer said sitting on the maroon couch near the strip parlour. White Jesus sat reluctantly. Gazed around the place that reeked of cheap perfume and obnoxious fumes of tobacco. Voluptuous women, well stacked with flesh seductively danced to the electrifying but muffled music. Their bubble butts oiled, quaked to the delight of the many customers around. White Jesus was astounded at the guiltlessness of these sinful people.
“Well tell me how the big man is? He isn’t tired of the throne yet?” Lucifer interrupted his thoughts. White Jesus, still marvelling at the allure of these seductive acts on the pole said,
“Well he is good. Bad news is that he wants to begin his judgement already. That’s why I’m here…”
Lucifer smiled. Then said, “Well. So you came like this. I mean. I thought you’d come with a chariot of fire, accompanied by all supreme armies of heaven…”
“Well. I came to gather a report. How the world is doing, and probably see if unleashing terror on these men is a worthy act of punishment…”
“You came at the wrong time. Look around You, do you think heaven is ready to receive these thots?” Lucifer sarcastically inquired. White Jesus saw his point. But he still had to get more proof.
“You mean this is the normal in this city?”
“In fact, you’re in the centre of sin. This city has six thousand clubs, sixty thousand lodgings and six hundred thousand pubs. What runs in this city is sex and money…”
“Tell me more?” White Jesus said sipping the cognac offered by the tuxedoed waiter. Lucifer stared at him with surprise. Lucifer then asked, “Ehm Jesus. You’re drinking cognac…”
“I know. I changed water into wine remember,” Jesus said. “Come on tell me more…”
“Sex is everywhere. Not just sex. The fetishiest of sex is everywhere… Old men bed young women, old women bed young men. Perverts. Masturbation is a health procedure. Threesomes are being done right now behind millions of bedroom curtains, in tinted cars and backstreet alleys.
A drunk city, a vulgar city, one soiled in blood of thousands. Corruption, robbery and deception. No man can survive here without shitting their palms. This city is the capital of vice…”
White Jesus listened keenly. Lucifer took a sip of his drink and looked at him. Poor Jesus, he thought. He died on that cross for nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“What about churches? Isn’t there any gleam of spiritual hope?” Jesus asked.
“No one cares about you or your sky daddy anymore. Churches are business centers and halls of social isolation. Your so called prophets have minted some nice dough using your name. The world is a stinky place. Here, men worship moneyed pastors, foul mouthed politicians, salacity, sin and money…” Lucifer said. “Sorry to say this, bro. You died for nothing…”
Jesus sighed. “So it’s right to say that the punishment is a guarantee?”
Lucifer cackled into a hearty laughter. Then said, “Stop being a fool maan. It’s a Friday night and you’re thinking of macabre acts like condemnation? Damn. Loosen up… Hey sexy bitch! Come over and grind for my friend here…”
“No…no… I’m not in the mood…”
“Hey are you gay?”
“What? Me?No…not at all”
“You sure?”
“Yeah…But…”
“No buts bro…We are wildin’ tonight buddy. Waiter, drinks in plenty…”
A risque stripper in a yellow g-string stood in a erotic gait before the two men.
“Need my services boyzz?” she asked in a soft tone.
“What do we call you beautiful?” Lucifer asked.
“Teanna. Teanna Mumbua… The one who crawls and sneaks into your pants like a leopard. Fills you with indescribable delights, and leaves you begging for more…”
“Then show us what you got floozy bitch…”

******* ******* ******
Sticks of blunt. Fumes of maryjane. Shots and shots of whiskey. Binge drinking. And rough grinding and teasing. White Jesus was hypnotized. He had lost himself in the immeasurable depths of iniquity.
At midnight, he was inside a dark motel room with three harlots, Teanna included. He banged them like there was never tomorrow. He shrieked in ecstasy as he unloaded his jizz on those bosomy babes.
Lucifer stood outside the hotel’s parking lot and smiled with sly satisfaction. “The beguilement was done” . And he had triumphed again over his arch-enemy.
The following morning, White Jesus made up his mind. He wasn’t going back to that prison. He would stay here and fill his life with pleasures he had never known. Earth was beautiful. Mystical. And above all, the home he ever wished for. And since he was an immortal being, he would be here for long. Very long.
In heaven, the council awaited his return. But White Jesus never returned. If his father had a debt with man, then let he himself descend and vent his irrational wrath over them…

Brian Nzomo is a Communications and media student at the Kenyatta university with a deep interest in writing literature pieces. You can contact him via e-mail: bryonzoms505@gmail.com.