IS IT LOVE… OR IS IT US.

By Brian Nzomo

It is not uncommon for anyone to come across somebody trashing relationships on Social media. It is not rare for anyone to read paragraphs and paragraphs of how relationships don’t work, or of how love is nothing but a scam.

We live in a century whose social dynamics have been wrought by ideological warfare that has now turned into religiosity for both men and women. The whole idea of happiness and simplicity of humanity has been completely overshadowed by myopic discussions around sex and money.

But what happens in social media is the worst representation of failed romanticism. When both men and women run to social media to demonize relationships and its adherents, reminding them unsoliticizingly that everything they are doing is a farce, then it makes one wonder. What is the problem? Is it relationships and love the problem? Or is it us?

He used me…she wasted my time.

How many times have you received the “You used me and wasted my time” line? Pretty much many times. Whenever any question about relationships pops up, the biggest fear that people incline on is the fear that after investing immense time and expectations, all of it seems to have been spat on when the final bell was rung.

Examining the issue on wastage of time, I was able to deduce a few errors that people made. I believe that most of our relationships were soulless, empty and too basic. Yes! We might have invested quality time. Invested our bodies. Invested cash. But disregarded the power of simple acts that may move us. We shyed away from the silly nitty acts that society may abhor. Did we talk? Did we have discussions and discourses on life and its philosophies? What was ideally our discussions about? Were they lovely, edifying and interesting at all? Did they fill us and color our love?

I guess not. Looking around you makes any young person imagine relationships and love look non-existent. One needs to observe how colorless relationships around us are. No poems, no picnics, no discourse, no nothing! Relationships have remained as transactional arenas of convenience. How would one expect something without enough memories withstand the test of time? When the tides of end sweep onto this shore, the relationship is too empty and rickety that it cannot brave the humiliation that comes with its collapse.

I believe that most of our relationships were soulless, empty and too basic. Yes! We might have invested quality time. Invested our bodies. Invested cash. But disregarded the power of simple acts that may move us.

Modern relationships don’t emphasize living in the moment. They are too worried about the future. When one is worried too much about the relationship’s future, doubtful of its viability, when eventually it ends, he would have no memories of it that would remind him that, “Yes, I lived that moment. I invested enough and it consequently built me. The discourses we had built my intellectual faculties, the love poems spiced up my creativity and the simple acts of romance were too beautiful to remain a solid forever memory…”

Relationships that had color are never regretful. No one would regret they lost their time. It was too precious a moment in life to remember and will always remain something positive clung to your heart.

It is not just about investing. Invest diversely and don’t shy away from even the simple acts of romance that can touch the core of your beloved.

Finding the wrong ground

Where are we investing?

Investing isn’t enough. We may invest our feelings to the wrong people and when it doesn’t work, we are all over claiming how relationships are a scam.

Someone planting a seed in a desert is likely to reap his crop. Failure! We cannot blame love and relationships when we try to make them work on people who don’t value or reciprocate our efforts. Love is work. Sustaining this beautiful feeling requires immense energy. So when it seems like you alone, is the only one trying to make it work, you are left battered, stressed and hurt.

Find the right people and invest in them. People of solid character who won’t shy away from making it work. From seeing the value of you and your presence in their lives. People who would strive to ensure you remain the ever flaming glow that lit their lives. Invest in people with a positive mindset on love. People who value love and the spur of its romantic feel. Colorful people.

Invest in the right hearts. Don’t tarnish love because of your errors.

You never tried…So shut up!

Most of these myopic views are made by people who had decided to initially join the bandwagon of negative thinkers, even before they themselves tried to experience relationships and its bliss. Other were in relationships without color and never tried spicing up the whole engagement.

How can these people then claim to be the standard points of reference in the whole discussion about the incredulity of relationships and the death of love. Lazy minded people who idealized love as a feeling that can exist constantly without need of empowering it. People who idealized complexity and disregarded the power of simple romantic acts.

These people become bitter when they see the bliss that comes with love. The simple touches and acts like poems fill them with much dread because they are a constant reminder that they themselves had distanced themselves from similar acts and probably that was the reason nothing ever worked, or relationships around them never work.

Listen ye bitter souls, discard your negativities and next time when you love someone, let the feeling flow you into the beautiful world of romanticism.

It may never work…But never the same

Having a colorful relationship itself may never be enough to persevere the inevitability of end. But trust me, life will never be the same again.

Your standards in what you expect from future relationships will soar beyond greater heights. It shall be a “If it wasn’t like that, or more, then I don’t want it”. You’ll be too positive about the bliss that comes from love that you would only desire the best love you can ever get from others and never less.

On the other hand, bitter souls are only plunged into relationships which will serially damage them over and over again. Because negativity sparks negativity. Darkness can only be swamped by even more darkness.

Live the moment.

Live. Forget all these doctrinal preachings by online feminists and men love coaches. Do what makes you both happy. Something that will color your love. Something unique and spectacular. Do it. Live the moment. Love. Get into it. Try it. Life’s paths are diverse. It may work, it may not. But what matters is you tried and made sure it built you somehow.