By Brian Nzomo
Stealing is a very complicated act. It infuses in different actors an amalgam of emotions ranging from guilt, mere satisfaction and profound pleasure. Its motives are innumerable; its consequences dependent on, what was stolen? Why was it stolen? And who exactly stole it?
In the Mosaic ten commandments, the eighth one condemns stealing of all forms. It further emphasizes in the tenth commandment, that coveting someone else’s property is also sinful(thought crime? F**k the bible). Stealing can be simply defined as taking someone’s possessions without his consent, with no intention of returning it to the owner. Easy peasy. But when you think introspectively about stealing, one realizes a collective bashing of all theft is rather ludicrous. But again, one cannot overrule the implications of loss. But when you focus on this vice, you realize there are variations of motives, methods and consequences.
Who is Stealing?
The luckiest thief is one privileged by the systems in place. It doesn’t matter what he steals or how he does it. But this one never gets punished the same way as another unprivileged thief.
In high school, theft was a serious offence as long as the wrong people did it. Our school sanctioned mob justice(as long as death was avoided). Anyone caught stealing would be pummeled like a sack of bean pods until it was reasonable to let them be. But this occasioned a precedence of framing cases. If you wanted to exact vengeance on someone, plant some stolen possessions in their stuff, tip the prefects who will carry out an inspection, find the stolen stuff and draw out their leather belts.
Form fours could never be indicted for stealing. The system favored them. I was once caught red-handed ‘anuaring’ a form two’s shirt. The case never went anywhere. I was a chopi, who would dare discard my importance. But supposing a form one or form two boy who was unpopular, academically daft and defenceless was caught stealing; there would be no reprieve for them.
This atavistic nature of theft replicated itself on political and social realms of larger life. It is the mantra knowable to many right now. If you are a sardine, you get trawled. If you are a whale, you are venerable. In our society, wealth extricates you from societal and judicial wrath. It is therefore advisable, that if thou shalt desire to steal. Be massive about it. Steal insane sums of money that will ultimately catapult you into that safe haven.
What is being stolen?
In Kenyan lexicology of theft, it is sagaciously said that, ‘If you enter a rich man’s house to steal, it is exigent to steal something worth the effort and risk.’ You see, Kenyans hate a petty thief. It is considered a waste of vice. And Kenyans love the value of risks. That is why it is common to hear people say that once they ascend government positions, their efforts shall be dedicated towards stealing big. No jokes. ‘Tis the culture. Why should you sit on vast seas of opportunity and glide away unfulfilled?
You know, Kenyans only value intimate possessions. Taxes and loans, although payable only by them, remain abstract in the Kenyan mind. That is why it is elaborate to steal taxes. The Kenyan mind can never conceive the abstract. It is only superficial to what is owned concretely. You can’t steal my money when am watching you, but you can steal taxes I pay. Besides I don’t own taxes. It is something we pay collectively so the hurt isn’t felt individually. That is the only hurt we Kenyans care about.
Why is it being stolen?
People have needs. But when it is nigh impossible to satisfy them, the only way out is theft. At this noob stage of the vice, guilt and paranoia gnaws you deeply. But the fear and guilt dissipates after a succession of several thefts. It becomes mechanical. Even orgasmic.
Sometimes we also steal to satisfy conditioned expectation. In Kenya, we encourage our politicians to steal on behalf of our ethnicities. It is dubbed, ‘Our time to eat’. Our son needs to get elected so that he can plunder that abstract wealth. One would assume that these leaders steal land to settle the landless from his community. Don’t be foolish. Who does that? We are all conceited to the core.
Some people steal because they feel empty without stealing. In Tolstoyian greed, nothing is enough. Some people steal because there exists something to be stolen. Not because they need it. Not because they are genetically modified to steal. But here is something that exists. It can be stolen. Why not?
Others steal because in some way, stealing is impressive to people. We love smart thieves. People who bypass security measures and get away with it. They are inspirational stories. Netflix worthy. We just love people who steal as a way to portray their genius. They don’t even need to love or covet that which they steal.
Evaluate your theft scale. Remember, your reasons to steal preempts what you desire to steal. Whatever you steal determines who you will be; and whoever you are, determines how your theft shall be perceived.
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